Being in Control

Photo by William Daigneault on Unsplash

Mum’s are generally busy. Whether they have one kid or eight. Whether they work or they stay at home. It just comes with the territory. Yes, there are degrees of busyness. Some mothers are busier than others. But in general, all mothers would say they feel stretched.

And so we all tend to aim for this rhythm between our roles as mothers and the other aspects of life that we manage. Hoping that we can delicately balance it all. But of course, all it takes is one family member getting sick and often the delicate balance is upset. Moving house upsets the delicate balance. Adding one extracurricular activity can upset the delicate balance.

Sometimes the opposition to the delicate balance doesn’t even exist within the household! Like COVID and its forced homeschooling requirements! There are seasons where there have been so many upsets to the delicate balance, that I’ve wondered if the balance might even be real. Am I even aiming for something realistic?

I don’t know the answer to that question, but I do still live in hope of the delicate balance. Like many other mums.

For the most part, the desire to arrive at the delicate balance stems from wanting life to be manageable. But for some, the delicate balance is derived from needing a sense of control. What’s the difference? Manageable to me, means you have enough of a handle on the various aspects of life that variance is accommodated and unlikely to produce harmful consequences. Manageable means you can respond to change appropriately, and it doesn’t melt down the whole system. Whereas control is an incessant need often motivated by fear to protect and preserve the desired situation so as not to have variance. Variance is seen as harmful. Variance melts down the whole system for the person who needs to be in control.

I’ve known really controlling people, and even the colour of a teacup being mismatched with the wrong plate sends them spiralling.

Now I should make it clear, that control is not a ‘mum’ thing. It’s an everybody thing. It’s no respecter of gender, age, denomination, occupation…or any other factor that might categorise us in society. So please don’t take my illustration as some insinuation that control is reserved for certain roles. It just happens to be the area in my life where I waiver between wanting manageability and control, particularly when it comes to the juggle between ministry/child/housework (I want manageability but sometimes control seems like the only way you can have it! Am I right mums??!)

But my recent discussions about peace (from my latest podcast episode) got me thinking about Jesus, and how through His life He didn’t demonstrate any convincing signs that He desired control. And He definitely had lots going on. He was often unable to have rest, that He would purpose to do, because of people coming to Him with great needs. Which I’m sure should give some comfort to every Pastor & Minister who have felt like there’s just too many needs to meet them all. And whilst He cared for the sheep, He was simultaneously training and equipping the disciples..whom wouldn’t have been an easy bunch to teach. They would have their own little squabbles. It was obvious from scripture that they weren’t chosen because they demonstrated some superior skill and competence. Something that should remind us not to get to full of ourselves! So Jesus had all this going on, whilst knowing that He would have to go to the cross and die painfully for the sake of others. So many people were crucified in those times. But I’m sure none of them knew it was coming. They were often criminals. They did the things they did believing that they would get away with it. But Jesus knew the cross was a part of His destiny. That’s a lot for one person to juggle.

But when Jesus had people mock and insult Him, He had no interest in trying to change what they thought. When people walked away from Him, He didn’t run after them. Including when many of His followers deserted Him in John 6:60. But He also proactively did things that demonstrated His lack of interest in being in control. Like when He sent out the 72 followers in Luke 10. He gave them His authority to heal the sick. And of course, He gave us all the Great Commission to accomplish on this earth, through the presence and leading of the Holy Spirit. US! Who are imperfect, distracted, impatient…If He had any sense of control, He would not have left His mission to anyone else. Because we absolutely have way to much potential to screw it all up!

So what’s the point of all of this? Well I mainly just found it a fascinating thought. But I guess also, if we are committed to walking out this life as followers of Jesus, it would likely lead to being more comfortable with having less control. Manageability is fine. One might even argue that it is good stewardship to want manage the components of life well. But being in control, may signal some deeper needs requiring the healing hand of Jesus.