3 Signs of a Disillusioned Leader
Photo by Taylor Deas-Melesh on Unsplash
The last few months have no doubt been trying on the Houstons. Reading the apologies and social media posts evidence that. And whilst many of us realise that mistakes were made, it is hard not to feel a sense of sorrow for this couple also.
A recent statement made by Pastor Bobbie on Instagram talked about the ‘Courts of Heaven’, and the ‘Current Narrative Running Havoc’. It is somewhat of a peculiar statement to make, since Pastor Brian did own up to the narrative that was announced. But the statement does imply a belief in a coming judgement upon the ‘adversaries’ in light of the narrative that Bobbie clearly doesn’t agree with. The fact is, maybe she is right. The average believer like you and I, are not privy to the complicated conversations occurring in the upper echelons of Hillsong right now. But Bobbie’s comments could also point to some signs of disillusionment. And if true, she wouldn’t be the first leader to become disillusioned and she certainly won’t be the last.
So what is Disillusionment?
Disillusionment is the realisation that things are not as they seem. That life doesn’t necessarily work as you thought it would, and the fact that you could have been so wrong sends you into confusion and shock.
We don’t realise that we have these systems and formulas for defining how we win in life. And we are very committed to them, in our efforts to safeguard ourselves from disappointment. But actually life is not as predictable as we would like it to be as Solomon laments in Ecclesiastes 9:11:
“The fastest runner doesn’t always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn’t always win the battle.”
And disillusionment is the aftermath of seeing cracks in our systems and formulas, that we so heavily relied upon.
Leadership is no exclusion from the woes of disillusionment. It can be a difficult pill to swallow, that those you so faithfully served could behave as an opponent. The feelings of betrayal are real, even if you were in the wrong.
So what does it look like when a leader becomes disillusioned?
Leaders will see scales
We leaders begin in church ministry with the purpose of serving God and His people as an act of gratefulness. Though not intentional, we have a tendency to mentally take stock of all the things we do. It’s like a subconscious scale that we envision, that weighs the value of the acts we are doing for others. The scale is somewhat inevitable because we often can quantify the pain of our sacrifices and the personal costs for ministry.
When leaders feel betrayed by the organisations or people they have served, their narrative will often subconsciously consider the scales. They wonder how this could happen after all they have done. To them it’s an imbalanced scale. This is a very obvious sign of disillusionment.
Furthermore, their language can begin to resemble that of a victim because of these perceived imbalances. The scale seems weighted against them.
There are genuine victims in this world. But when a leader who has had power, and maybe even abuses power begins to believe they were hard done by, it’s not exactly the same as the individuals who have been harmed on account of the leaders abuse. In some cases, the actions being taken against the leader are merely disciplinary rather than betrayal.
But for a disillusioned leader, this type of scenario is seen as oppositional.
To reconcile disillusionment, a leader must come to a place where the scale doesn’t exist anymore. Where they are not determining their ‘right’ to be a leader based on their past sacrifices. A healed leader sees that all is by the grace of God. Every act is an offering of worship to our God, and the moment it is placed at the altar it is released from our hands and not counted towards some ongoing self-perception of our righteousness.
2. The Leader will see strings
The scales may be inevitable (though not necessarily the victim mindset), since we are often unaware that we perceive such images. But a sneaky more sinister mindset that can weasel its way into the life of a leader, is entitlement. A more dangerous mindset in leadership does not exist. Entitlement occurs when a leader believes that the things that they have done gives them privileges and access to more than they ought to have. This entitlement is observed most when a leader doesn’t receive what they believe they are owed. The strings represent the claims to ownership that a leader perceives.
Unfortunately, the more a leader believes they deserve, the more sinister the requests can become. One of the more insidious entitlements that a leader can expect is loyalty. Entitled leaders struggle to perceive a ceasing point to loyalty. For instance, it could be harmful to the kingdom to expect the loyalty of a leader that was developed under a Senior Minister, when that leader is clearly being called by God to another post. Loyalty from a staff that is being bullied and harmed by a Senior Minister, is also unreasonable. And of course, expecting that loyalty extends to secrecy and the concealment of sinful actions, is unacceptable. These are all matters of entitlement. But unfortunately, leaders will somehow spiritualise this entitlement. They may call it an issue of submission, or make others feel responsible for ‘covering their nakedness’.
To heal from this kind of disillusionment, a leader must come to a place where they recognise that just as Jesus offers us a free gift of salvation, so are we meant to offer this gift of service freely and in love. No one owes us anything for having served! Especially not the people we are serving. In Luke 17:10 Jesus says this remarkable statement that every leader ought take note of:
“So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’ ””
This statement reminds us as leaders that any blessing we receive is not due to our superior skill, giftedness or some innate trait within us that the church can’t do without. We simply did what we were told to do by God. We are unworthy servants. Declaring ourselves as unworthy servants is not meant to be self-deprecating. Nor is it an opportunity for the falsely humble to elevate themselves as superior. It is a reminder that none of us are truly worthy to be called by God. We don’t earn it, and we certainly aren’t owed it.
3. The leader will blame others
It is human to want to identify the responsible party in any given circumstance. It is also the first sign of self-protection.
It is a choice to blame, but it’s much easier to do when you a) feel pain; and b) your self-perception is vulnerable. Which is often the case after enduring seasons of heavy emotions like betrayal and rejection.
When I hear a leader blaming and working extremely hard to be vindicated, it’s a very quick sign that this person is disillusioned. But also that they may not have counted the costs of being a leader, let alone being a disciple. In Luke 14:25-33, Jesus tells us that to count the cost of being a disciple means being willing to abandon our own lives. Which means we are willing to let go of our reputation, endure betrayal, and persist through the gravest of personal costs for the sake of following Him.
We sometimes forget that our saviour died on the cross, humiliated and shamed. Never did he blame or attempt to vindicate himself and yet he was much more innocent than we are! His vindication would come through the resurrection, it was the proof that he was precisely who he claimed to be. Though amazingly, even his resurrection was a completely selfless act!
This might be the hardest act for us all to do, but when we lay the desire to blame and seek vengeance amidst our pain and disillusionment, we truly mimic our saviour. This is humility.
At the end of the day, there is hope for every disillusioned leader. Healing is available by developing a new mindset about what it means to lead, especially in alignment with how God leads us: without scales, without strings and without blame.